So it’s February and bae is already hinting at Valentine’s Day and suggesting gift ideas she would love 😍 and as a good boo that you are, you are contemplating gift ideas. Cute but while you are considering gift ideas, I have some really simple things you can do to show bae love this season and beyond.
- Stop mansplaining her
I know you feel like you can explain it better, I mean you’ve read that book and got that degree in whatever-the-fuck-it-is-you-studied. I know you think it sounds better coming from you; you have a way with words, I know.
But it is never okay to assume you know more or better than her, without asking her. I know that extra gruff voice makes you feel like sleek but, sorry not sorry,
You are not sleek.
It’s not cute. It is irritating and she’s tired of it. If she wants to tell you what period pains feels like, or what she thinks about global economics and Brexit or any other random topic, my dear, do yourself a favour, shut up and listen.
If you have any issues understanding mansplaining, read this article: http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20180727-mansplaining-explained-in-one-chart
- Stop interrupting when she’s talking.
First of all, you are rude.
Let her say her damn mind. Stop interrupting the lady, didn’t your mama teach you nothing?
- Stop being so damn stingy with money.
I know you’ve heard that women like money, see, my brother, it’s not about liking money. It’s just that we live in a patriarchy and there are so many things to make a girl feel bad in a patriarchy and money is one of the ways—arguably the most effective one—to make a person happy so spend money on bae.
You think you are spending on her? My dear spend more. Then add jara.
Even if it’s just small change you carry, my brother, spend this money. You know you can’t carry money to heaven.
- Stop being selfish in bed.
My dear, do you think you are the only one that’s loves to come? Ehn? Do you think she doesn’t want to have her eyes rolled into the back of her head too? Stop being selfish in bed. Ask her what she wants, and give it to her. Don’t just climb on top of somebody’s daughter and start humping. Kiss her slowly, from head to toe then back again. Stop at the meeting point of her thighs, work some magic, make her scream to high heavens.
Then do it all over again.
- Stop with the empty compliments.
Women like creative men, be creative with your compliments. She already knows that dress is nice, that’s why she’s wearing it. My dear look closely, can’t you notice something else?
Because I’m a good person, I have decided to help your life and list some tired compliments so you’ll know what not to say to her:
- You are so serious with your career, unlike all those other girls that just wants to spend a guy’s money. You don’t use too much makeup, unlike all those other girls who paint their face. You are not like other girls. Any compliment where you are comparing her to other girls, please don’t. Even if you are thinking it, just keep to yourself.
- Looks-based compliments. This one is tricky because some women actually love receiving compliments for their looks so you can give this kind of compliments but don’t overdo it. Women like men who can see the obvious (looks) and also see the not-so-obvious.
- Etc. etc.
- Stop being such a jerk to female co-workers.
This one doesn’t directly affect bae but it’s a cyclic thing. It’s similar to how they say do good so good will come back to you (or something like that).
Because you probably don’t know how you’re being a jerk, I’ll list some out for you.
- Shooting her idea down just to repeat it few minutes later without due credit.
- Suggesting in a not so suggestive manner, how she should do her job. If you want her job so bad, resign and go apply somewhere else
- Complimenting her outfit rather than her intellect especially after she has just finished performing an intellectual activity, like giving a presentation.
- Asking or expecting her to perform duties outside her official job roles like buying toiletries for the office, replacing the coffee, etc.
- Stop ogling other women.
Your mother was right, it’s wrong to stare. It’s especially wrong to ogle women. Which kind of creep are you, staring at strangers desirously?
Which kind of message are you passing to your woman? Are you not satisfied with her? Don’t be unfortunate. Stop ogling other women else, she will dump your ass.
- Stop acting like love is a seasonal disease.
Do you love her now and forever or do you love her today and maybe tomorrow?
I don’t know what point you are trying to make, acting like love is some atmospheric condition that comes and goes with time but let me be the one to tell you, there’s no such thing as a season of love. Every day is a day to show love, and if you are not treating each day with her like an opportunity to express and receive love, my dear, your heartbreak is around the corner.
P.S: Ladies, if your boo exhibits any of the bad behaviours highlighted above, dump him. You can do better.